That's because what I am doing eventually leads to something that almost noone else is willing to do and almost noone else can even understand. Concerning that it does not matter much if people consider themselves 'spiritual' or not, not at all. Being around 'spiritual' people can make one feel even more lonely than anything else.
The spirituality most people are interested in has very little to do with what I happen to be interested in. Most people just want to feel better. They want to replace old habits for new ones, old concepts for new ones and old friends for new ones, the new ones in every case being considered 'spiritual' or 'buddhist'' or 'meditative' or whatever notion their minds like to put ahead of themselves.
There's nothing wrong about any of these things and who would not want to feel better? It's just that this is not what the great teachers of humankind were referring to when they used words like 'enlightenment', 'liberation', 'awakening' or whatever. What they were referring to is so radical that most people cannot even conceive of it. It is about giving up everything. EVERYTHING.
All that you thought was true, wheter spiritual or mundane, all that you thought was yourself wheter your old mundane self or your new spiritual self. It is all false and to be abandonded. That's what Buddha, Jesus, Krishna, Krishnamurti, Ramana, Tolle and some others are talking about. But most people who read and worship these do not get it. Not at all. Their ego distorts the message in the very moment they read it.
Who would want to give up everything? Who is really ready to see that everything that happens, has ever happend and will ever happen is not in our control? It's all God's, Allah's, Brahama's or the universe's will and not ours. Can you conceive of that? Can you let go that much? Can I? Nobody can and nobody will. That's the tricky thing. Nobody chooses to do what I am doing right now. It just happens. I can't go back, I can't stop and I have not chosen to do what I am doing.
It's a bit as if God calls some of his children back home. But few yet. Why so? Because they are the chosen ones? Well it would be similarily true to say that that is because everyone else simply does not choose truth, the word 'choice' being slightly wrong, because what choice is there if you are deluded? The false is so compelling and convincing that hardly anybody sees beyond. Even all these masses of people who are into spirituality since decades. Talk to them, you'll see that they don't have a clue.
They are like actors that don't know that they are actors, as everybody else. They talk about waking up, but they are as asleep as everybody else. They think they know something, they think they've learned something in all these years, they think they are someone. And that's the sum up of the whole problem. They are not willing to let go of that, to let go of themselves, to let go of all the spiritual stuff they have aquired in all these years. It is ultimatelly all useless bagage and has to be dropped. There is nothing to know, nothing to achieve, nowhere to go and we are all already there, 'there' is already here. That's it and nothing else. It's more simple than the most simple thing we can conceive of.
But even among people who say and read things like that in Zen and Advaita books and circles there is very few who know what they are talking about. Do I know? I don't know. And if I knew why would I try to express it? The ego transforms every little instant of truth one might have experienced immediatelly into a concept and thus makes it harmless. Almost all concepts are useless for awakening, including the concepts I am using in this entry. But we don't notice and we think we've got it.
But if there's still someone who thinks she's got it, she has not got it. No one ever gets enlightened. God just calls back his children. But once you really know what it means to be a child of God, there will be no one there to 'have' this knowledge. It's all just one consciousness experiencing itself. But who would understand that and not just say that? I don't know. I have no clue, for instance, why I wrote this entry, as it obviously consists in concepts and I am obviously in the same trap that I am describing here.
All I know is that there is loneliness. Not necessarily is that a sad thing, it can be quite blissful. But it means feeling alone and not expecting anyone around to understand what's going on or what I am traying to say sometimes, though I am beginning to realize that there is no point in talking about it. Firstly because people don't understand even if they nod their head and come up with similiar concepts. And secondly because I am in the ego trap of concepts myself.
I don't know what to do. Sometimes in despair, sometimes in acknowledgement of the fact there is nothing to do and no one there to do it anyway.
I know that I don't know. How powerful an utterance, oh Socrates.